A letter to my superman

Easton,

   The conversation with your retina specialist plays over and over again in my head like a broken record. His first words were I'm sorry I don't have answers. I knew then that I wasn't going to like what he had to say. I felt my heart sink to my knees as he told me that he didn't know the condition of your eyes or what you could or couldn't see. He assured me that they would do everything imaginable to figure out what was going on and that after your ERG we should have some answers.
  For every night and day after that I continued to search the internet for answers clinging to hope that this is all a mistake. I found myself reading things that weren't so promising. I was constantly debating on which prognosis would be the lesser of evils. I can't sleep until I have answers for you.
   It breaks my heart to walk in your room and say your name and find you frantically looking around to find me. Most days you cry if I leave your sight or touch. When we go places you constantly want to feel for me to make sure I'm still there for you. Simple tasks are becoming harder and harder with you in my arms and I find myself overwhelmed with guilt if I sit you down to take care of things knowing you can't see me. We fight daily to keep your glasses on and you're constantly rubbing your red rimmed eyes and crying out in pain. Knowing there is nothing I can do for you destroys me inside. Whoever said patience is a virtue, couldn't be more correct. I'm learning every day that things aren't going to be easy and I have to remind myself to be patient. My patience is always being tested.
   Your Dad and I are doing everything imaginable to get answers for you. Your Dad sacrifices so much to work out of town 7 days a week to make sure he can take time off to come to every crucial appointment and be there for you and me. He works hours in and out to make sure we have the money to get you the best treatment possible. Without him I wouldn't be able to stay home with you and give you my complete and undivided attention. You deserve nothing, but the best and that's what we'll always provide for you.
  Last night I couldn't sleep so I snuck into your room to watch you sleep. Over the noises of all the machines running in your room and all the cords strapped to your body you lied there so peacefully and angelic. I sat in the rocking chair hoping you'd cry out for me so I could steal you away and bask in your beauty. You are amazing. You have taught me so much about life in such a short period. I am forever grateful for you. I've learned what true love and compassion truly is. You've shown me the true defention of strength. You always have the best spirit and a stranger would never be able to fathom all that you have going on, because you never fail to have a smile on your face or a twinkle in your eye.
   As the date of your ERG quickly approaches I want you to know, that no matter what happens I promise to fight for you. You are a miracle and you are loved more than you could ever know. Even if you were to go blind it wouldn't change a thing or an ounce of my love for you. But I know you'll be fine because I am determined to never lose faith and I know God can heal you. Just know that I will always be here for you, as your biggest supporter and number one fan. I will always be on your team and will guide you and comfort you in every step of the way. I love you to infinity and beyond my little superman!!

Love,
       Mom.

P.s. "The best things in life cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart."